When Life Bites...

On a cold February day in 2019, my sister and I stood outside of our mom’s hospital room waiting for the nurses to bring her back after recovery from surgery. We knew she would still be unconscious, but we wanted to be there. As her bed came around the corner, I saw the outline of the sheets covering her new shape. The amount of grief that I felt made it hard to stay standing.

We all have battles in our life that scare us. Depending on the challenge, we may sit in disbelief and need time to gather ourselves before we even take a step. Other times we feel courage and resolve and head straight into the arena. Yes, there are battles that leave us empowered and triumphant from the courage summoned. But there are also those challenges that leave us angry, hurt, overpowered, sad, outnumbered, and often mentally weary.

Battles for our health or the health of a loved one can be one of these overwhelming challenges. The vulnerability and the unknown can feel like it changes the air we breathe. The enemy we are fighting is within and that feels unfair and confusing. Yes, life bites sometimes and we are left with wounds that shake us to our core, but no matter what the battle asks of us, we grow from the fight whether we win or lose. God is always with us in the arena, standing by our side, even when it is hard to believe.

My mother was in a recent battle for her life and it eventually resulted in having her leg amputated above the knee. You might assume it was a complication of diabetes, but she isn’t diabetic. She had vascular issues in her left leg and despite undergoing many difficult procedures, blood flow could not be sustained. The final weapon the enemy chose was a severe infection which also involved the beginnings of gangrene. The pain was excruciating and the threat on her life was looming, so she made the decision to say goodbye to a leg that would no longer be a part of her journey. One less footprint.

My mother was a hard worker throughout her life. She often held jobs that required her to stand on her feet all day. She worked three such jobs to help put me through college while I worked two to pay for room and board. She tackled many physical projects in her lifetime and even helped cut down trees and haul them off at a lake house she dearly loved. She was always in her garden for hours at a time. You couldn’t tell her she couldn’t do something because it would just make her mad and she would figure out a way to do it anyway. MacGyver would have loved her sense of problem solving. I was happy for her when she finally retired and could get off those weary feet of hers. So, it seemed especially cruel that she would be asked to say goodbye to her leg, a part of herself that played such a big role in who she was.

The first few days after the amputation were filled with tears as she struggled to accept her new norm, including phantom pains for a foot that was no longer there. Now, over a month later, her brain is still struggling to recognize that her leg is gone. Slowly, though, her personality has resurfaced and she has begun to discover new ways to care for the remaining part of her leg, which she has nicknamed “Little Bit”. Physical therapists have become her angels. They are teaching her how to get in and out of her wheelchair and build strength in her upper body. She is now at home and is striving to become strong enough so she will be approved for a prothesis one day. That is, if she doesn’t figure out how to make one for herself before then.

My mother has taught me that whenever life bites, you must bite back. Gather courage and stand in your arena. We all face battles, no one gets to go through life without scars. Some scars won’t be visible to the outside world, but trust me, even the person that seems to always have it together has scars. For me, cancer was a battle I did not want to face, but my scars remind me that I stood in my arena and found the courage to fight. I know many of you have faced your battles and found courage, strength and determination to overcome. I hope you will share them with us. We all benefit from shared hearts.

Always remember, you are wonderfully made and you never have to face trials alone. Even through the darkest night, God will be with you. I felt His strength and grace surround me as I endured my battles. He upheld me when I cried and lovingly allowed me to see my life through His eyes and not mine. He delivered me from my foe and I praise Him for His compassion. He wants to go into battle with you. I do believe He uses all things for good, even when we can’t understand how just yet. Wait, and the good will eventually rise to the surface.

Note: Sometimes it helps to have friends who can pull humor out of the dark moments and sprinkle a little light in our lives. One of my best friends is one of those people. She contacted me to get my approval on a note she wanted to send with flowers to my mom a few days after her surgery. She was wondering .. too soon? But, I knew my mom would love the effort to bring a smile. It read, “Sweet Martha, we’re so happy you’re doing well. Congratulations on your recent weight loss, newfound ability to extend the life of socks and save on pedicures too! Keep your chin up!”. My mom loved it! She read it to everyone who walked in her hospital room.

So, when life bites … summon your strength, proclaim His words of victory over your life and know you will find the courage to overcome. You are always stronger than you think you are. Open yourself up. There are those that have gone on similar journeys and will be happy to offer support.  Reach out to others.  In my friend’s words, keep your chin up.

Finally, if you are ever walking in a park on a sunny day and see an old woman walking with a funny limp, a big laugh and a determined grin, say hi to my mom for me.